5 Reasons You Hold on to Low Self-Esteem

July 17, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Forgiveness

By Jenn Ocken Photography.

Low self-esteem is an emotional feeling of holding oneself with disregard to the truth of the real power you hold with your unique talents, gifts and skills. Because low self-esteem is out of balance with truth, it has a negative impact on your ability to create great things in your life.  If you are a person who struggles with this chronic habit of seeing yourself as less than God has made you to be; it’s time to give up the low self-esteem and see yourself for how great you really are.

1)  Shame and fear from previous trauma and abuse:

It builds your story that you somehow caused the abuse or deserved the abuse.  The shame comes from having been a part of a trauma or abuse whether you caused it or not.  Your fear is that if you shine or stand out, you will be hurt again.  Repeat each statement below and take a deep breathe after each one is completed…

  • I forgive myself for believing it was all my fault and I deserved to be hurt.
  • I forgive myself for believing there was something I could have done to stop the abuse.
  • I forgive those who abused me.
  • I forgive myself for holding on to the abuse and low self-esteem.
  • I forgive myself for believing if I shine, I will be hurt again.
  • I forgive myself for believing I had to give up my self love to protect my abuser.
  • I forgive myself for taking the shame of the abuse even though I didn’t cause it.
  • I give myself permission to say yes to this trauma, abuse, fear and low self-esteem and I release it to divine love and gratitude.
  • Without this shame, abuse, fear and low self-esteem, I am free to shine like the sun.

2)  Fear of arrogance:

You are afraid that you will be perceived as arrogant or prideful if you love yourself.  You believe loving yourself is ungodly.

  • I forgive myself for believing it is bad to love myself and be honest about my natural talents and gifts.
  • I forgive myself for believing that loving yourself is ungodly.
  • I forgive myself for believing I will be perceived as arrogant or prideful if I love myself as God loves me.
  • I forgive myself for denying who God made me to be as a show of righteousness.
  • I forgive myself for using low self-esteem as a false humility.
  • I give God permission to forgive me for denying the light he made me to be.
  • Without this pattern, I am free to be honest about who I am and what I am really good at.  I can share the truth of who I am even if I am shining like the sun.

3)  You don’t want to be held responsible:

You are afraid if you believe in yourself and have self-esteem, you will be held responsible for things that go wrong.  By holding on to your low self-esteem, you will avoid taking risks and responsibility.

  • I forgive myself for believing I can’t do anything right.
  • I forgive myself for believing I’m not capable.
  • I forgive myself for using low self-esteem as an excuse to avoid taking risks and responsibility.
  • I forgive myself for believing I must be perfect to take responsibility.
  • I forgive others for blaming me for things that go wrong.
  • I forgive others for shaming me for things that go wrong.
  • I give others permission to forgive me for blaming them for my low self-esteem
  • I give others permission to forgive me for showing up with less than my real God-given talent.
  • Without this pattern, I am free to take action to give back and be responsible without feeling afraid I have to be perfect to deserve love.

4)  It makes people treat you special:

If you feel bad about yourself, people show compassion and feel sorry for you.  They go out of their way to make sure not to say or do the wrong thing around you.

  • I forgive myself for believing, if I am powerful, people will be harder on me.
  • I forgive myself for believing, I can control social situations by feeling bad about myself.
  • I forgive myself for using low self-esteem to control how people treat me special.
  • I forgive myself for believing it is safer for me to have low self-esteem.
  • I forgive myself for identifying that low self-esteem is what makes me unique and loved.
  • I give myself permission to let go of my low self-esteem and to express my true God-given talents to help the world.
  • Without this pattern, I am free to shine like the sun and people still treat me special.

5)  I don’t recognize who I am as a child of God:

You identify with the chronic low self-esteem of your family of origin.  To belong you have to be a loser like the rest of your family.  You don’t realize that God made you to shine like the sun.

  • I forgive myself for believing I have to be a loser to belong and be loved.
  • I forgive myself for believing my family won’t recognize me if I don’t hold low self-esteem.
  • I forgive myself for believing I will be alone if I don’t hold low self-esteem.
  • I forgive myself for not recognizing who I am as a child of God.
  • I forgive myself for rejecting the truth of who God made me to be for the lies of my family.
  • I forgive my family for making low self-esteem the way to belong and be respected and loved.
  • I give my family permission to forgive me for letting go of the low self-esteem and loving who God made me to be.
  • Without this pattern, I am free to recognize who I am was a child of God and I am shining like the sun.

Monk and mystic, Thomas Merton, said it best when he said, “there is no way of telling people that they are all walking around shining like the sun!”

How will your life look without that old low self-esteem?  What more will you be able to give to those you love, your community and the world?  Answer these questions in the comments.  I’d love to see!

If Only

July 10, 2013 in Business

Have you ever had a problem you just couldn’t change?  You know what I’m talking about; stuff like that extra twenty pounds you just can’t seem to keep off or credit card debt that never goes away or a relationship that makes you feel devastated every time you think of it.

For me it was chronic financial stress.  I was constantly worried and focused on money and having enough just to pay for the basics.  I felt a level of anxiety every time I opened my checkbook. I was caught up in the idea that “if only” I could make a certain amount of income, everything in my life would become easier and I then I could be happy.

  • Making money and financial security became my focus, my idol.
  • Money became  my source for the peace and joy I was seeking.
  • I realized I made money and financial security my source instead of God

An idol is a construct or focus you pour energy into because you believe it is a source for what you want: identity, power, love, money, peace, relationships, etc.

Idols separate you from direct, divine connection to God.

The only way to heal any problem is from knowing your divine source.

Because I am loved, valued and worthy, I can heal.

Problems that don’t heal: money problems, chronic dieting, chronic relationship distress, depression and chronic physical problems are very likely a form of idolatry.  You pour loads of energy and attention into a problem in the hope that solving the problem will make you more worthy, more loved, more acceptable.

All your energy and power is poured into this “problem” that never seems to resolve.  It is like a huge tornado that just spins all your excess effort and energy around in a circle, never really moving forward or changing.

It is an idol when it becomes the source to get you what you really want rather than God as the source.

Forgiveness statements:

  • I forgive myself for idolizing money as my source for all I desire.
  • I forgive myself for idolizing what I have (family, house, etc) as the source of my happiness and fulfillment.
  • I forgive myself for idolizing all that I do not have or all that I see others possess as the source of my happiness and fulfillment.
  • I give myself permission to tear down this idol to money and I am no longer separated from all the love, value and worthiness I ever wanted.  It’s already mine.
  • I forgive myself for using this idolatry of family as a source to heal depression and fear that I will never get what I really want in my relationships.
  • I give myself permission to tear down this idol,  and I am free to stop pouring excess energy into an empty tornado of futile discussion and thoughts.
  • Without this idol I am no longer separated from God.

Discover the idols in your life with the phrase, “If only. . . .”

  • I had more money. . . .I would be important and valued
  • I had a better body and was prettier. . . . . .others would love me
  • My marriage was perfect. . . .I could love and accept myself
Please post your comments about the idols you have torn down in your life  and how it has made your life better.

Who Gets Cancer?

July 3, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Emotional Healing Training, Health

Here is some very compelling research describing the personality traits that increase one’s chances for developing cancer.

If you or someone you love have a high number of these traits, you can decrease your chance for developing cancer with EPTworks™ and emotional healing.  By releasing emotional and physical trauma and changing your beliefs, you can increase your assertiveness and ownership of your power to be honest and open about your needs and the practical fulfillment of those needs without the fear or avoidance of conflict.

The most important fact you need to know about cancer: Of all the people who are diagnosed with cancer; the majority survive.

Cancer Personality

The presence of traumas was important in assessing the risk of cancer and the possibility of a poor prognosis.  In his study of 250 patients diagnosed with malignancy, LeShan (1956) noted that a childhood trauma was present in 62% of the cancer patients, and in only 10% of the control group.  He concluded that an early emotional trauma increased the risk of cancer later in life. Such trauma would supposedly lead to an increase in tension towards one or both parents.  Later, LeShan included the presence of a childhood trauma as one of the psychological indicators for predicting cancer development.

Later, LeShan (1977) reconfirmed his initial findings.  He studied the life histories of 500 patients.  One of the typical patterns identified was childhood trauma.  Such trauma included feelings of isolation, neglect, difficult, dangerous or intense interpersonal relationships, parental deprivation and coldness.  He noticed that 76% of the cancer patients showed such patterns in their past, and had also recently experienced an emotional loss.  Traumatic patterns were relived through the recent emotional loss, which influenced cancer growth.

A 1946 Johns Hopkins University study: “Our results appear to agree with findings that cancer patients tend to deny and repress conflictual impulses and emotions to a higher degree than do other people.”

Certain personality features increase the risk of cancer because they are more likely to generate physiological stress.

  • Repression, the inability to say “no”, and a lack of awareness of one’s anger make it much more likely that a person will find herself in situations where her emotions are unexpressed, her needs are ignored and her gentleness exploited.
  • Extremely co-operative
  • Patient
  • Passive
  • Lacking assertiveness
  • Accepting
  • Represses negative emotions especially anger while struggling to maintain a strong, happy façade—denial of negative emotions.
  • The external appearance of a nice or good person
  • A suppression of reactions that may offend others
  • Avoidance of conflict
  • Chronically hopeless and helpless, even though it is not consciously recognized, in the sense that the person basically believes that it is useless to express one’s needs: the needs will not or cannot be met by the environment.

If you know someone who could benefit from this information, please share it.

Take a minute to share how you may have changed these traits in your lifetime and how it has influenced your health and healing.

 

EPTworks™ is More by Sherry Hamilton

May 16, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Emotional Healing Training, Forgiveness

Photo by Jenn Ocken Photography

More that just making a bad feeling go away.

That point in time when you can’t locate that pain you’ve carried and depended on for a point of reference is what I sought after.  For my own pain and now for others who I’ve helped walk through the EPTworks process for 20 years.  There is that definite point in the process when the pain ceases, and there is a relief.

But what comes after the bad feeling or pain is gone? 

               A new identity.

One woman I worked on who had carried a constant headache for over 25 years, said, “I’ll go home a new wife to my husband tonight.” She left in sort of a daze.  I was also amazed and intrigued that she never came to me again after that life-altering experience.  She paid her bill and left.  Emotions and the expression of love is the focus of EPTworks, not just the ceasing of pain.  Lives change when pain ceases.  When your pain has consumed so much attention, but now it’s not there is an odd place for many.

How you change your life in loving others is a completely new place when the pain ceases.  Some just go away because they used their pain to serve an internal need to isolate from intimacy in relationships.  Recognizing the resistance in myself to grow from

helplessness to helper;

self-justification to forgiveness;

limits on pleasure and gratitude to thankfulness in all things

is the greater shift away from pain.  This is more than letting go, but beginning something new and growing into a new experience that glorifies our Creator.  It feels great!  Seeing the process and going toward the points of resistance is important in EPTworks.  It becomes an amazing journey of self-awareness and courage to see that what I thought held me in it’s power no longer does.  Some statements for moving toward resistance to healing pain:

  • I forgive myself for believing I can’t live without this pain.
  • I forgive myself for using this pain as a block to my intimacy with others.
  • I forgive myself for depending on pain to express what I am unable or unwilling to express verbally.
  • I forgive myself for taking on pain as my expression of what I cannot make right for myself or for someone else.
  • I give others permission to forgive me for using my pain to keep me from intimacy with them.
  • I give myself permission to open up to a new feeling of compassion and intimacy with myself and to allow for the beginning of greater love and intimacy in my life and in my relationships.

Guest blogger: Sherry Hamilton

 

 

How To Heal After Divorce

April 18, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Emotional Healing Training, Forgiveness

 

how to heal after divorce“I hate him and I’m over it!  Unfortunately, I still have to deal with this man because we share children.”

For many, divorce doesn’t make a difficult relationship any easier.

Putting your marriage relationship to death, doesn’t fix the pain, failure and frustration.

Long after the divorce papers are signed, you may carry the emotional scars of being deeply hurt and disappointed by the one you loved, trusted and made babies with.  Like death, with divorce there is a real sense of loss; an emptiness, failure and broken heart.

Three Steps to Heal After Divorce:

1) Let Go

Be willing to let go of what was: all the pain, blame, hurt, guilt, shame, failure and negative    emotions of hatred, anger and frustration. Be willing to let go of what you hoped for: a future of love with this man and your children.

2) Forgive

    Forgive yourself for your vow “till death do us part”
    Forgive him for his vow “till death do us part”
    Ask God to forgive you for your vow “till death do us part”
    Forgive yourself for believing divorce is an unforgivable sin.
    Forgive yourself for everything you may have done to cause this failure.
    Forgive yourself for not being able to hold the family together.
    Forgive yourself for believing your children will never get over the loss of their family.
    Forgive yourself for believing you have to hate him or suffer to justify the divorce.
    Forgive yourself for holding on to a family that doesn’t exist.
    (the family that healed and stayed together)
    Give your ex permission to forgive you for being unable to continue in this marriage.
    Give your ex permission to forgive you for being unable to meet his expectations.

3) Open Your Heart

Without all this hurt and failure, what is now possible for your life? Without this pain and failure, I am free to:

  •       love myself and my children more.
  •       attract more love into my life.
  •       be happier and more confident than I have ever been.
  •       trust love again.

EPTworks is an amazing tool that uses the power of love and forgiveness to allow you to heal after divorce faster than you ever thought possible.  If you are still carrying the pain of a failed marriage in your life; EPTworks can transform that hurt into positive energy that you can use to create more  love in your life right now.

Our EPTworks Guarantee:  If after one session of EPTworks, you do not think we can help you, there is no charge.

Book a private EPTworks session with a certified EPTworks practitioner today.

Why Forgive?

April 11, 2013 in Forgiveness

why forgiveIt is still amazing to me that there are people who seriously ask the question, “Why forgive?”  I suppose you may also ask “Why love?”.  Forgiveness, after all, is an act of love.  There is a deep underlying sadness that prompts the question, “Why love?”.  The deepest hurt in your life usually comes from those you love the most.  It is easy to understand why you would give up on love once you have experienced the pain from being hurt when you are loving someone.  Loving does not carry a promise that allows you to control the outcomes of your relationships.  People you love can still die, leave you or hurt you.  Without forgiveness, you are left with all the pain, loss and anger.  This negative energy takes up space that you could use to create more of what you really love and enjoy in life.  Why forgive?  When you forgive, you let go of all the pain, anger, sadness and loss from your past that you still hold space for in your life.  Forgiveness is a “get out of jail” free card, only you are the prisoner you set free.  Forgiveness opens space in your life for miracles to happen.

EPTworks combines some amazing energy work and intuition to reach the goal of forgiveness and love.  We believe there is no better healing modality than forgiveness and love.  Simply put, forgiveness and love make your health better, your relationships better, your family better and the entire world a better place for everyone.

Miracles happen at EPTworks Lifeworks Retreats!  Come on in. Heal your life. Make the world a better place. See you at the beach in May!

Check out more about LifeWorks

How Long Does It Take? by Sherry Hamilton

April 9, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Emotional Healing Training, Forgiveness

 IMG_4248

This is a frequent and valid question I get from perspective clients for EPTworks.  I want to know too.  How long before I jump off this “gerbil wheel” that keeps me spinning in the repetitive, self-destructive habit I’ve lived with and been tired out by for years?  My short answer is, “It depends.”  EPTworks seeks to do two main things for this problem: 

  1. Break, disconnect or neutralize the charge of old false beliefs you have held that make you keep going back to “do it again.”
  2. Establish a new belief for a new experience with a positive, life-sustaining charge connected to eternal, spiritual truths.

Most people get the feeling in the very first session of EPTworks that this therapy is powerful and meaningful to this process.  Is that the conclusion of the journey for their process?  Usually not, but for some it is enough to get the process going in the correct direction. 

Often the popular articles on changing habits give a number of days (21, 30, 45, etc.) you must engage in your new habit to make it your experience and snuff out the old habit.  This objective never worked for me because I thought that it was that simple.  In my life experience this decision to hold to a good habit for X-number of days didn’t work.  The energy shift and interruption that EPTworks interjected into breaking my old habit gave me a supportive link I wasn’t expecting.  It is linked to brain chemicals and that can be driven by environmental and emotional habit. 

Changing my destructive habits has been more like learning a language.  For some people learning a new language comes faster than to others.  EPTworks has been an efficient system to engage my mind in possibility I didn’t allow or know about.  I started over 20 years ago with a fantastic awareness of freedom from an awful problem, and the uses and applications of EPTworks continues to grow in my life. 

 

I Can’t Forgive

April 5, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Emotional Healing Training, Forgiveness

There are things that can happen that are really hard in life.  I’m talking about the over-the-top-traumas that are devastating to the individual and to humanity itself.  Things like witnessing a murder at age four and then being raped at the burial site or having a family member brutally murdered for no reason.  To talk about forgiveness in these traumas can seem heartless, and uncaring.  The pain is so excruciating, and the thought of forgiving the offender seems impossible.  You must remind yourself that forgiveness is not just about “freeing the offender”.  Forgiveness is about “freeing the one who was offended”.

Richard Mollica is an expert in helping people devastated by war crimes to heal and move on with their lives.  In his book, Healing Invisible Wounds, he explains the process of healing for these unspeakable traumas.

First and foremost, the victim must be able to tell their story to a compassionate listener.  By telling her story, the victim is allowing the listener to realize what terrible, wrongful event has occurred so that there is an awareness in community that this can happen and that it should be prevented in the future.  By compassionately listening, the listener represents the community to say, “I’m sorry this happened to you.  It should not have happened. It was wrong.  I won’t let this happen again.”

Finally, the victim must be given total absolution; as the listener helps the victim to forgive.

“I forgive myself for believing it was my fault.”
“I forgive myself for believing there was something I did that caused this trauma.”
“I forgive myself for believing there was something I could have done to stop this trauma.”
“I forgive myself for holding on to a trauma that doesn’t exist anymore.”
“I forgive myself for believing this trauma has ruined my life and future.”
“I forgive myself for giving up my power to love and forgive because of this trauma.”

EPTworks is an amazing tool that frees you to forgive the hurt that has robbed you of the power to love life.

 

 

Raising the dead.

March 27, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Emotional Healing Training, Forgiveness

Jenn Ocken Photography

Now I read my Bible and I’m a good little christian girl. I believe that miracles happen but I stop short on raising the dead and maybe you do too.  I know I see in scripture how Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead even after he had been in the tomb for a few days. Jesus also raised a little girl back to life who was dead.  In the Old Testament, I read how a widow came to Elijah and asked him to heal her son and Elijah came to her dead son and brought him back to life.  I can clearly see that God can raise the dead back to life.

Ask yourself, what in your life has died.  It may be a relationship, a dream, a hope or maybe the child in you who believed in love.  God has the power to raise the dead back to life. Give yourself permission to pick up the dead that exists in your life right now.  Close your eyes and carry the dead, the things in your life you have given up on or lost total hope for, to an altar. Lay the dead on the altar in your mind and ask Jesus to bring it back to life. Pray, I can’t do it, God. Please do it for me. Bring this part of my life back to rise in new life.  See it happen. Invite this new life back into your heart. Thank God for the miracle of raising the dead.

Three Reasons to Forgive

March 18, 2013 in Blog, Emotional Healing, Forgiveness

EPT Works – Business Works #1 and LifeWorks © Jenn Ocken Photography

1) Forgiveness allows you to do the impossible.

When you forgive, you enter a state of divine giving.  You give the impossible to another person or yourself.  You grant absolution and freedom to one who does not deserve it.  Through giving forgiveness, both the offender and the offended are set free. The hurt of the offended and the guilt of the offender are released opening space for divine healing.

2) Forgiveness causes miracles to happen.

Forgiveness is an act of releasing blame, shame, old hurt, trauma, and pain.  When you forgive, you literally release all the “junk”; the balled up mass of hurt, resentment, anger, revenge, justification and trauma.  That “junk” takes up a lot of space in your being. When you release it through forgiveness, you open up massive space for God to move in and bless you in ways you can not even imagine.  Pain disappears, hard relationships heal, love magnifies in your life and you witness more and more of the miraculous; God’s work in your life.

3) Forgiveness makes the world a better place for you, your children and all people.

Forgiveness is a conscious act of love that aligns you with God’s love, mercy and forgiveness.  Forgiveness reconciles us with each other and with God.